Have a New Husband by Friday

and why I have a problem with this book.

 

I did not read this book because I want a new husband.  I don't.

It's our selection for Book club next month.

I've read many of these types.
This one was basically...'treat your husband better and he will treat you better.'

Or as the author says,   
"Ask not what your husband can do for you, 
but ask what you can do for your husband."  

However I had some strong disagreements with the author on a few things.

For example, I think most people would agree that women love compliments.

What was Dr. Leman's solution for this?
He says we should tell our husbands something like this:  "Would it ever strike you that I'd like to hear you say I look nice?  In order to get my hair done, I have to arrange for a sitter for the kids, I have to take them along to the mall to find a dress.  Oh that's a lot of fun.  Maybe you don't realize how much time and effort goes into me trying to look nice..."  

Oh, so we make him feel obligated to compliment us?
What kind of a compliment is that??

That might work a little if we were looking for a compliment on the house,  "Honey, I spent 5 hours cleaning today and it was not easy doing this while taking care of the kids, answering the phone, doing your laundry, and making your dinner, but I did it for you...so it would really be nice if you noticed and said something to me about it..."

That perhaps would fit with his logical mind.
But not about the way we look.  Either my husband is attracted to me or not, but I can't talk him into it.  And I don't want to talk him into it. 

Dr. Leman also has a chapter about natural consequences and men.  He tells us how we can get him to pick up his stuff.  Most men I know, and there are exceptions I suppose, are not into neat and tidy.

His suggestion made me laugh:
"What if you didn't pick up the stuff he lets lay around?  What if someone stops by to see him unexpectedly and sees the family room trashed, and he's embarrassed?  So?  Will that kill him?  No, but it will teach him a valuable lesson about consequences." 

Are you kidding me??  My husband is never embarrassed about any mess left behind.  Never.   
Because he doesn't notice it. 
Which has its perks too.  He tells me often that our home is immaculate.  Yeah right.  As long as he thinks so.

And I don't mind picking up after him at all.  All he does for me, it's the least I can do.

I also do not like how the author continually puts down men, referring to them as "dumb as dirt", "children" and  "like a dog that can be trained."

I did like his list of 9 things.
I added the last one before I realized I would be showing it here:

I added:  "It's not your fault."  I don't know why, but men seem to like that sentence.

In my opinion, Dr Kevin Leman did much much better with his best seller, "The Birth Order Book."  I read that when my boys were young and loved it! 

The Duggars are back...

Perhaps I am the only one who cares about this program.
But just in case I'm not...


The Duggars will have a documentary on the TLC channel tomorrow (Sunday).
They have been very quiet since their 19th child was born very premature 7 weeks ago.


(Thought I would share this clip
being it's the only TV program that we I watch.)

Sunday Night Cousins' Dinner

In Alpine, Utah!

The view outside that window looks incredible.

Thank you Richard and Wendy (my brother and sister in law)

for having my boys and their cousins over last Sunday.

I heard it turned into a 4 hour dinner!!

I talked to Tyler on the way home
and he said they all had a BLAST!
Can't get much better than that, right?!

And to think it all started here:

Taylor, Colt, Nicole, Lauren

Taylor, Colt, Nicole, Lauren

Thank you Lindsay for taking all the cousin pictures last Sunday!
Next time have someone turn the camera on you. :)


Oh wouldn't Mom/Grandma be proud of her grandchildren.
Come to think of it, I'm sure she is.

Mom with Lauren 1989

McKay and McKenna go snow shoeing!

Elora's Plea for Haiti

My 7 year old granddaughter is passionate about this.  She was over Saturday night in her jammies, and asked if I could do this video for her. 

Please understand that she speaks from her heart and in no way is trying to make fun of Haiti, especially at the very end.

Update report from doctor's wife in Haiti

I have a video to share soon of my 7 year old granddaughter with her pleas for Haiti. She asked that I film her and even though she was in her pajamas, she is very sincere.  

For now, for those who are interested, here is an update of the LDS doctor in Haiti doing all he can.  It's humbling to read.  And like some of you have mentioned, it helps to know exactly what to pray for.  

"January 23, 2010
 
Dear Friends and Family,
 
Yesterday was another busy day for Mark and the team.
 
General comments from him:
 
"Today is a day beyond words."
 
"I have never seen so many dead limbs in my life. This will become a country filled with amputees."
 
"Rehabilitation specialists and plastic surgeons are going to be in dire need in the coming months."
 
"Sepsis (bacterial infection) is setting in with many of the injured."
 
"The entire country was riddled with earthquakes."
 
Mark started the day at the church medical clinic in Port au Prince. The young woman with the lateral gash on her forehead was feverish from the 3rd degree burns on her foot & ankle in addition. So he loaded her up and took her to a Choa (?) center that had been set up by the airport and used as a triage center for the injured. But it was basically gone when he arrived- only a few tents and no staff. It seems like some of the tent facilities come and go depending on staffing and need. So then he took her to another tent facility and they were willing to take her and give her 24 hour coverage as in a hospital. 
 
Many of the team then gathered supplies and headed south to another LDS chapel in an area that was hit by the earthquake but hadn't had much medical attention. They got there and continued to see infected wounds and burns. 

After about 30 minutes, they heard noise out in front of the church and saw a man and his brother and his son who had just showed up. It was one of those images that Mark said he'll never forget. The man and his brother were carrying the man's son in a chair mounted on 2 sticks. Mark said it was the kind you see in pictures of Cleopatra or some royal person being carried through the crowds, except this was just two simple sticks and a broken chair all roped/wired together for this young 9 year old boy. The trio had been traveling for 2 days down from the mountains and because of the boy's injuries, this was the only way to get the boy out of the mountains. The boy's mother had been killed in the earthquake and this was the family's only child. They had stopped at various towns/villages as they made their way down the mountain but there wasn't any medical help along the way, just more devastation. So they were happy to know that there were medical personnel in this community. The boy's arm was basically crushed and dead. Mark said that the hand had turned black and was like jello. The boy had a fever of about 103-104 degrees and only had a few more hours to live before infection would take over his entire body. So they found a pick up and rushed him to the University Hospital where his arm was amputated up to the shoulder. They are hopeful that he will survive. Mark has heard that the people in the mountains don't have much to begin with and it is an area that has been turned upside down like Port au Prince but with much less medical and media attention.
 
A US medical student from Fort Worth has been working on and off with the team. During one of his last days, he went on his own to an orphanage out in the country. There was a building but due to its instability, all of the kids were outside in the yard, many of them injured. He fell in love with a little girl there and wanted to adopt her on the spot. But he was told that he will need to go home, get a background check and health/home approval, fill out the proper papers and come back in a couple of weeks. So unless you have adoption papers in process, it sounds like most of the children still need to be adopted through some governmental channel. And that's probably for the best because there could be a possibility of these children falling into the sex/labor trade channels if future homes are not approved and verified. So for all of you that asked if Mark could bring home a baby, I don't think it will work....
 
He thanks everyone for their words of support and encouragement. He said the devastation is immense but there are many rescue and medical teams from all over trying their best to make a difference. He also said the Haitians are a loving and kind people who are grateful for what is being done.
 
Alice"

 

Haiti and a report from a Dr's wife

From my "Returned Missionary Moms" weblist, I've gotten to "know" Alice, one of the Moms on the list.  We all exchange happening in our lives, not just having to do with our returned missionary sons and daughters.

Our church has sent several physicians to Haiti to help, and Alice's husband Mark was one such volunteer.  Being he works with 6 other doctors, he was able to leave his practice in their care for awhile.

 These show Dr. Mark Rampton getting ready to leave for Haiti.

Reading what Alice had to say about all this, brought this Haiti experience to a more personal level for me.  These are her words, as of a few days ago:

"My husband called at 5:30 am from Haiti on the global phone that the church sent with the team.  It was a short phone call but the transmission was pretty good except for the sound of helicopters flying overhead.   Here were some of his comments:


1. There is more damage here than you can imagine and more injuries than are even portrayed on the media.  Every other person is walking around with an injury of some kind.  Yesterday at the medical clinic, he saw broken ribs, legs, arms, fingers, and lacerations of all kinds.  The pain and suffering is beyond comprehension.


2. They are moving to another LDS church building today that is near the palace in Port au Prince and closer to a heavily damaged area.  They hope to set up a more permanent clinic there as they figure that help will be needed for a long time.


3.  If hundreds of teams of doctors were in Haiti, there would still not be enough for all the people in need of medical help.


4. Building after building has been leveled. It is a city in shambles.  So many people displaced.


... The weather is hot and muggy - he's given some of his clothes away so I bet he will keep wearing the same thing all week. The team slept in tents at someone's property outside of town today...    He said that the medical team is a great one to work with.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.


Alice in Oregon"

And then yesterday she wrote this about her husband:

When Mark called last night he had a hard time talking without getting emotional. He's a touchy feely guy but doesn't actually cry all that often so I know he's affected by what he is seeing. He said that he does fine during the day when he's with the patients, but on the phone, the emotions were raw. After 33 years of practicing medicine, he's seen everything in terms of blood and guts, but when a young boy is carried in with two legs broken, his parents and siblings dead in the earthquake, and his home destroyed, it's just too much loss to comprehend. As mentioned in the Gazette Times article, the cases that they are all seeing are pretty heart wrenching except for the delivery of a healthy baby which he was able to do yesterday.

The clinic, located at an LDS church in the heart of Port au Prince and very close to the Palace, is very busy because of its location to a severe part of the disaster area plus it is 2 blocks from one of the hospitals called Sacred Heart. There have been thousands of people camping out at the hospital trying to be seen and now many of them are being carried over to the LDS clinic because they heard that there are doctors there. Then when the docs and nurses at the LDS clinic see that there is a severe need for surgery or whatever, they just carry the patient back to the hospital and can usually get in to the operating room because they bring the orthopedic surgeon on the 20 member medical team or whomever to do the surgery. The team includes 2 orthopedic surgeons, 2 general surgeons, 2 emergency room physicians, and 4 family practice doctors. I'm not sure how many nurses are on the team, but Mark has mentioned several times a wonderful male nurse who is Haitian and now lives in Ogden, Utah. His parents survived the quake but are ill.

The LDS church has a generator (with fuel that did make it there) and they try to use it only when needed. The church also has a water filter which is at a premium in the area because it allows for clean water. So those things are great, but the orthopedic surgeons are running out of the screws/plates that they need for the broken bone surgeries and I'm sure other supplies will soon be in shortage. There does seem to be fairly good exchange among the military and other medical teams that are there. The doctors were going to go see if the military would lend them the supplies needed for bone surgery.

Mark definitely felt the earthquake yesterday morning. In fact, he woke up thinking someone was shaking him to get up. Instead, it was just the rolling of the earth. The team has a nice place to stay outside of Port au Prince- it's a big hacienda belonging to a contractor. Mark sleeps in a tent on the grounds and at first, felt guilty being in such a safe and peaceful setting, but after the first day of seeing 80 patients in a 10 hour day without any stops for food, he realized that it's good to have a place to go to build up physical and emotional strength, get a good night's rest, and be ready to face the next day.

The volunteers at the church/clinic are amazing. There are hundreds of them. They are helping to distribute goods, assist with medical procedures, triage, translate, organize the patients, etc. It's a large army of Haitian volunteers and he says they are wonderful. He said that the church in Haiti is alive and vibrant..."

For a news article about this doctor's experiences, go here.  

The night before Brock's 6th grade camp

The post I did yesterday about Logan and his family,
reminded me of this.  I could never forget this story.
It still makes me shudder.

First I have to explain something.
This was back in 1989. For some reason my boys loved to eat raw carrots but only if they were very icy cold.  So I was in the habit of putting carrots on our dinner table packed in ice.

On this particular evening I was busy in the bedroom helping Brock pack for camp.  He would be leaving very early the next morning.  We had cleared the dinner dishes off the table but the rest of the carrots were still sitting there.  The ice was gone and now they were floating in water. 

I had gone back in the kitchen to get something and noticed McKay, age 5, and Tyler, 3, had climbed onto the top of the table and were soaking their bare feet in the water, complete with carrots floating all around their toes.  They were so happy, and it kept them entertained.  Back in those days this meant a few moments of peace.

So I went back to the packing.  The door bell rang.  I could tell by the deep voice that it was Grant Bybee....the Dad of one of Brock's best friends Matt, who would also be going to camp the next morning.  Brock's Dad had let him in and I could hear them chatting about their plans for camp.  Lots of talking and planning, while I was still helping Brock down the hall.

After quite some time, 20 minutes or so, I went out to say hi to Grant.  He and my husband were all sitting around the kitchen table.  McKay and Tyler had gone to play elsewhere in the house.  In other words they were no longer soaking their feet in the carrots.  But guess what?  Grant was sitting there eating carrot after carrot!!

I gasped, and just stood there staring.

I wanted to say something.  But the damage was already done.  He had already ate who knows how many dirty carrots.  If I told him, he would just worry about something that was over and done with.  So I didn't say anything. I reasoned it was the kinder thing to do. 

To this day I wonder if I should have spoken up.

A few days later I learned, Grant had to be rushed to the hospital from camp with severe stomach pains.  I was horrified! 

I later learned it was kidney stones.  Well as far as I know, that has nothing to do with eating dirty carrots.

And, I did tell Grant many years later what happened that night.  Years down the road, who would care. 

But still, when I hear about 6th grade camp, anybody's 6th grade camp, I still picture Grant eating those dirty feet soaked carrots.

What a Dad

 Logan and Macie

Logan has great memories of going to 6th grade camp with his own Dad many moons ago.

So of course he wanted to do all he could to take Chandler this year, as he did Austin a few years back. 

Grandpa with Chandler

This year, however, the rules have changed.  Parents can no longer just go free as chaperons.  They have to pay just like the kids. 

So they figured out he and Chandler needed to sell 700 candy bars to earn their way to camp.  Logan got all the kids involved and spent 4 different days with them sitting outside grocery stores.  One of his sisters didn't want to sell them and Logan told her, "You will be blessed for doing this.  When you want to go to camp, you will have your brothers and sisters helping you sell the candy bars."

Laurynn and Macie

Den and I were just about to start eating dinner one night, when we learned they were selling the candy at Savemart, which is just down the street from us.  I told Den, and he said in typical Dennis style,  "Let's Go!"

I stuffed my pockets with the 20 candy bars we bought.
And we don't even eat chocolate, or candy.
Such is the life of grandparents.

 Austin

So far they have sold 550 candy bars, with just 150 to go!

The way time flies, soon these babies will be selling candy bars so they can go to camp!

If I get the courage, tomorrow I will tell about something that happened the night before my oldest son attended 6th grade camp back in 1988.

short and sweet

Den and I were at Trader Joes the other night.

While I was checking out the new pepper shakers,
Den suddenly said,

"Look, there's McKay and McKenna."
(my 3rd son and his girlfriend)

"Huh??..... Where?"

"Right there! Look up."

So I did.It's a stretch, but okay.

I wish I had turned the camera on the clerk watching Den take this picture. She looked completely baffled so Den said, "They look like our son and his girlfriend." Like that explains everything.

The Socratic Method of raising children

I heard this Dr. Laura call the other day, and then shared it with Dennis this morning. We had quite the discussion about it.






Can't say I related to this specific problem.
I remember my sons praying for more babies.
But I do relate to the anger...it's a part of life.

I think I tried to interject too much positive, rather than allowing them to come to that conclusion themselves. I did believe in letting them "own their own feelings" as I learned in my college speech class. But I wish I had stayed quiet, and listened more.

What do you think?
Do you think this approach works?
Would it work on you?

Kris was on TV this week!

Just so happened while Den was in Utah, his daughter Kris was on KSL Studio 5. So he got to go with her to the studio. Den was just about 10 feet off on the side from their interview.

The last few times it's been Kim on this program so this is a first for Kris and I think she did great!! Those 2 girls are naturals.


Her husband and Dad looking on from back stage.
Katie and Jessica
Not sure if they are watching their Mom,
or just looking at the stage before the show.

With Grandpa
Take a look.
Even though the video is longer,
Kris is just on the first half of it or so.

He's Home!!

Whew. It's been a long 5 days.
Dennis had to go to Utah for his nephew's funeral.
He gave the eulogy.
I'm always sad when I can't go with him.

I especially missed him at night.
Our bed seemed way too big.
I practically got lost in it without him.



But now he is home, and so are his little trails:


He unpacks in the playroom, thanks to our friend Jo Rhodus.
She says we should never bring our suitcase into our bedroom.
Does he put his shoes away in our closet? No of course not.
He likes them right here by this garbage can in his office.

He likes to keep his coat draped right here over this chair.

He likes the bathroom down the hall better than ours.


I'd recognize those feet anywhere.

Welcome home Honey.
I missed you terribly.

Look what he brought home for me.
I can't wait to listen to it today.
Sung by my very favorite choir!

Ashley's reception

If your picture is not here, it's not because I don't love you enough. It's probably because you look better in person than in my pictures.

Wow, what a gorgeous cake!

Mr. and Mrs. Nef

No, this picture just does not do my niece Carly justice, but she is always a good sport and was trying so hard to cooperate with me.

My niece Julie, and Clara.
Julie is even prettier than this picture shows but I so rarely get to see her since they live in Denver now. And this is the first time I've seen Clara in person. She's a little doll baby.
I guess I'm focusing on nieces because next comes Whitney with Bret. I worried about them last night since they drove all the way home to SF after the reception.
(btw, doesn't Bret look like Nate Berkus?)
Two of my sisters in law, Kim and Suzanne.
Oh, and I had to include this since I've never seen one of these at a wedding before. It was the "Children's Room." Set up just for them, complete with coloring books, crayons and stickers.. What a great idea!
I think one of the friends helping with the reception apparently had a hot flash because they opened the door just behind the cake. So this led to a brisk breeze going down the center of the room. I noticed that guests were beginning to vacate this area trying to avoid the cold.

So I stepped behind the cake, and went outside to close the door. While out there I heard all these little voices. Then I realized some of the children had escaped from the Children's Room. It was COLD and DARK outside plus there was a beautiful tempting pond and fountain.

I couldn't even see who was out there, or where they were exactly. I heard someone say, "Go tell Robin" but I didn't want to bother the mother of the bride. So I told Davey, Ashley's 14 year old brother.

He said, "I'll take care of it." but his voice was not Davey's voice. It was so much lower. When did that happen?? He spoke with such authority. He rounded up all the kids, got them inside and told them all to stay inside. With his new voice, I'm certain they listened to him.
Hooray for Davey!!

Ashley and Andrew got married this morning

Don't you just love her gown?
Her hair was so pretty, too. Perfect.
Thanks Erin for taking these.
More pictures after the reception tonight.

Uh oh

I've been watching that website that I posted about yesterday, for weeks now. It has been fine except for maybe one picture I saw a ways back.

Well we could have done without today's picture.... sorry.

The racing babies

About 2 weeks ago, Den and I took care of the twins while their parents went out to dinner. No crying this time. No separation anxiety. Since we were in their own home, the babies probably just thought their parents were in the next room.

Here is a short clip of a race they had. They have perfected their army crawl and now they can go all over the house. Amy says they will head down the hallway together!


I have to tell you about Miss Téa's mishap!

Téa is at the stage where she will pull herself to a standing position in her crib but then doesn't know how to get back down. So 2 nights ago Amy was having a very busy evening caring for 2 additional kids plus her own. It came time to put the babies to bed for the night.

About 20 minutes later she realized she had forgotten to turn on the intercom. She immediately did and heard Téa wailing. So Amy went right into the babies' room and saw the poor little thing standing there holding on to the crib rail. She figured she was probably "calling" to her to come help her get down for 20 minutes!

Amy said she nearly cried when she saw her baby, picked her up, and right then and there Téa fell asleep in her arms. From sheer exhaustion. Amy says Téa hasn't tried it since. :(To me, she looks like Kylie in this picture.
I knew that before she was born from the ultrasound!

My take on Manners

Have you ever tried to do things differently in your family and it actually worked?

We had this experience yesterday.
My 2 oldest sons, Brock and Logan, along with their children and their Arizona grandparents came for dinner. That's 17 people.

My 7 year old granddaughter Elora made place tags for everyone. Even the twins.

So right after we had prayer, I explained that we are going to do things a little differently now. I explained that their grandparents were our "honorary guests" so they would be first in the buffet line. Then the mothers, Erin and Amy, followed by the girls, and then the boys. Den and I since we were the "hosts", we would go last.

At first I heard someone say, "Why do the girls get to go first?" I explained "Because boys want to protect the girls and take care of them, so the boys want to make sure the girls get their food first."

Growing up I thought my mother was the best person on the face of this earth. But I also saw her as not having feelings of her own. I thought her sole purpose was to take care of us. So this is partly why I think the Moms should be served before the children. I think they need to notice their Moms and show respect for them. Old fashioned as that may sound.

My favorite part of the evening was this:
At one point Chandler thought his sisters were finished getting their food, so he got in line to get his. Well turns out Laurynn came back in the line because she forgot something. She said something like, "Remember Chandler, girls are first." Chandler quickly jumped back behind her and said,
"Oh I am so sorry. I am really sorry."
And he did not say it sarcastically or jokingly at all. He was just really determined to do the right thing. What a sweet boy he is!

I happened to get a picture of Laurynn and Chandler
right before he realized his "mistake."

The lighting is all wrong on this picture too
but you can see the general idea of how it was last night.

Sometimes I think we fail somewhat as a society
teaching our children manners.
For example, on several occasions lately at church, I have noticed teenage boys filling up chairs while women are standing by holding babies. Or older women walk into the room.
These are really good boys, because I know them.
They just don't seem to know any better.
I can sort of understand why they might feel funny giving their chair to a girl their same age, but how can several guys all be sitting and talking and relaxing
as women are standing near by with no empty chairs?
Shouldn't we be teaching our boys these simple courtesies?
Has anyone else noticed this?
Am I the only one bothered by this?