Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Who am I anyway?

Usually I sleep great. But this week, no. This is almost as unnerving as when I was pregnant myself. (well not quite :) Come to think of it, Den was consoling me this morning the way one does with a pregnant woman..."It won't be long now. Just hang in there. I hope you get your call today and you will be so happy."

I have to lie in bed at night and tell myself, 'You are not the mother. You are the grandmother.'

I really thought when I got to this stage in my life I would worry less. No. I have more people to worry about now.

NOT to put anymore pressure on sweet Amy. Actually every extra day the twins are in there is a good thing. We are all feeling so blessed she has made it this long. She is such a trooper. She cannot sleep for very long at a time, and she can only eat a little at each meal because she has run out of room. Just about everywhere she goes, people stare and make comments. I ran into her last week in Old Town. She was dressed in black, which I have never seen her do. She said she thought it would make her less noticeable.

Amy just keeps smiling. She is forever optimistic. Forever grateful to be having this opportunity to bring these babies into the world. I am, too.

Last night

I am also happy Tyler is marrying Karen in just 23 days. They are so in love, so ready for this new adventure that will totally and completely define and change their future.

But with all this excitement it is hard to sleep these days. This reminds me of when I was pregnant with Brock, my first. For some reason, I had terrible insomnia with him, but not my other pregnancies. I would literally go days with hardly any sleep at all. I finally talked to my doctor about it and he said, "We find that our patients go to sleep when they get tired enough."

I just hope I don't "get tired enough" the day the call comes. I don't want to miss this birth for anything. And I sure don't want to sleep through Tyler and Karen's wedding.

Got my rolling suitcase packed.
Same one I brought with me when Dennis had all his surgeries.
And when my Dad had his brain surgeries in SF.
And when my mom was hospitalized.

I also had it with me when Elora and Campbell were born.
It's packed with cameras, water, protein bars,
and then I will put my purse inside as soon as it's time.

Please vote on our poll to the side of this post.


Rebecca said...

I am sorry you are having a hard time sleeping. I do know exactly what you are talking about. I am the very same way. One thing that helps me at times like this, I just look at the calendar, and say..."ok, 24 days and this will all be over, 24 days, I can do this." That and some aromatherapy works wonders! Good luck.

grandmapeg said...

Yes...definitely once you get married and have children and then grandchildren, there are more to worry about and we lose a lot more sleep. You are so organized though with your suitcase already to go. I'm impressed!! I can guarantee you though that you won't sleep through any of it :-) Once the babies get here, you and Amy both need to take a good long nap! Then you can worry about the wedding. What a cute picture of Tyler and Karen!

Dennis said...

What's the deal with being able to change your vote? Is that so you can always assure yourself of being on the winning side? ;-)


Lisa said...

Reading your feelings on this post and how your life is at this time made me realize something. I thought when my kids were out of high school-that was a pivotal turning point. It turns out and especially reading your thoughts today...there's a pivotal turning point through out our lives. You're not living unless your having the experiences you're having. All the wonder & grandeur of life. No wonder you lay awake at night. So many variables, what ifs & dreams, etc. Your rolling bag is symbolic of the journey you've traveled & looking back-I'm sure you have no regrets & certainly priceless memories. Good post. I'm in a stupor for blogging lately.

Jill said...

Thank you for understanding. I sure hope I am not sounding like I am complaining, because I don't mean to, at all. Sleepless nights and happy days and worry just all go hand in hand with mothering and grandmothering. It's what we signed up for.

Dennis....I wondered the same thing. I think it's interesting they will let you change your vote, but only let us vote once. What do they care?

Brock said...

THAT'S why I have chronic insomnia?

the Rich girl said...

How sweet of you to be so concerned about Amy, Brock. But I wouldn't worry too much, she's clearly doing great!

Jill, I think that you are awesome. I am so excited. . . 23 days!!
And I am so impressed by Amy. What a woman! Both she and Logan are doing very cool things.

Ammy Moore said...

You are so cute Jill!!!! Whenever I read your blog I can hear your voice talking and it is almost like I am in the room with you! How exciting this time is for you! I am excited for you.

Brock said...

Ah, uh, not quite as sweet as you think, Karen. I was referring to my mom's story of suffering insomnia when she was pregnant with me. I rarely sleep an hour I don't wake up during at some point.

I'm not worried about Amy at all, actually. I know she's gonna do just fine.