Tuesday, October 23, 2012

4 Things to say to improve any relationship

...or so says John Tesh. 
I listen to him every afternoon while making dinner. 
Today he shared this list. He says by saying these things your relationship will improve. 
They all make sense to me except for #4.

1. "We're all in this together."

2. "You're better at this than I am."

3. "Please tell me what's going on."

4. "I'm angry."

I think #4 should instead say, "It's not your fault, but I'm angry."  
By simply saying, "I'm angry"...wouldn't that put your husband or friend or whoever it is, on the defensive


Richard said...

I don't remember John Tesh. Sounds like he was a Family Camper...

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Jill. There needs to be more said than just, "I'm angry." If my husband said that to me, I would need to know more before I'd know how to respond or whether I should just run! (just kidding)

Jenny said...

Great advice.

I thought number 4 said, "I'm hungry" until I re-read it!

"I'm hungry" has been known to make many a bad mood around our house, too!

grandmapeg said...

I like all of those things to say and I totally agree with you on #4 and also because nobody "makes" us angry, we "let" ourselves get angry.

Heather said...

I'm with you on #4, maybe he's just saying that instead of bottling up frustrations and anger, it's better to get them out in the open? Also, I think #2 is good, only if it is sincere, because I've had that said to me when it is obviously untrue and it just felt patronizing, you know? But a little humility is good, and I'm thinking the list would make a little more sense like this (as a list of attitudes not specific things to say):
1. Remember that you're on the same team.
2. Be humble.
3. Be a good listener.
4. Deal with frustration and hurt feelings right away instead of bottling them up.

I love things like this, they get my wheels turning, can you tell? :)

Sue said...

I agree with your adjustment to "I'm angry."

Other than that, sounds good to me!


Rebecca said...

Hummm. I thought about this and I agree with it. I think too many people that are upset, hide their feelings, and keep doing that, until they EXPLODE. So maybe what they are saying, is that it is good to say right up front if you are hurt or offended or angry and get it all talked out before it becomes some huge thing? Just my guess...

Grandma Honey said...

You have me thinking too Rebecca. Perhaps it's all in the way it's said...the tone used I mean. If we were to say, "I'm angry" in a harsh way, who would want to stick around and listen to what comes next?