Thursday, October 4, 2012

Working on 2 of my many faults this week

We all have faults, right? There are several people I can think of who seem perfect to me, 
but since we are all human they must have flaws somewhere in them.

I have a mental list of my own, plus probably many more I am not even aware of. 
Like two that I found out about just this past week.

The first one came to my attention by one of my daughters in law. 
(And by the way, I did ask her if I can share it here.) 
She said when I answer the phone I sound uninterested at first 
or tired or like I don't want to be bothered. 
I do not want to sound that way AT ALL. I didn't even know I did! 
She says as we talk longer, then I cheer up.

So I thought back to our previous conversation and I said I was distracted when she called. 
She said, no, it happens a lot, not just that time. 

I told her I think I must have trouble switching gears....
like from what I am doing at the time to the phone ringing. 
And thinking about it later, I also think I brace myself for bad news. 
Maybe I shouldn't, but I think I do. 
Does this come from Den and I having 16 adult children (8 plus their spouses)
and 20 grandchildren between us? 
Or have I always been like this? I really don't know. 
But I'm sure if you have known me through all these years, you would know. 
I'm not sure I want to know that I've been acting like this all of my life.

But, I am thankful my DIL told me because I want to work on correcting this. 
She has a gift for being honest and tactful at the same time. 
A rare gift.

Then another fault came to light today in Target. 
I've been hinted at this by Dennis before but maybe it took a stranger telling me, 
for me to really get it. I was hurrying through the store like I usually do 
and I nearly ran into a man with my cart. I swerved and apologized, 
and then went on my way to the next aisle. 

About 30 seconds later this same man walked up to me and said,  
"You are a very assertive driver." 
I really think that was his nice way of telling me he was upset with me. 
I mean, he purposely walked over to tell me that. 
I just looked at him and said, 
"I am so sorry. I need to be more careful and pay attention to what I'm doing." 
He then gave a little courtesy laugh (because he was a gentleman) and walked away.

However, to my defense I will also say that I am not an assertive driver when on the road. 
I've never even had a ticket. Just with a shopping cart do I lack control.

So, if you call me I hope to be sounding perkier.
And if you see me at the store I will be walking a little slower.

Have you ever been told of something you were doing wrong that was news to you? 


Anonymous said...

I have been told a few times over the years that I am aloof, unfriendly and hard to get to know. This always surprises me. One person told me that it's hard to get into my "inner circle". I'm trying to be more aware of how I come off and to put myself in other people's shoes more. This has helped people's perception of me quite a bit, but I still have a long way to go.

Grandma Honey said...

Come to think of it, I've been told that too, Darlene. The first time I ever heard the word aloof was from a friend's brother in high school when he said that about me. I like your idea of putting yourself in other's shoes. Sometimes I find myself expecting others to be more friendly to me than I am to them.

the Rich girl said...

When I was working for BYU Catering, my boss told me that I needed to work on being more assertive. Which, at the time, I thought was a funny criticism, but now, I can see how in some ways I really should step up to the plate a little more.

Grandma Honey said...

Karen, I think you are the perfect combination of assertive and humble. You are very sweet and kind, ALWAYS, while you stand by what you feel is best...but you do it in a very non threatening way to anyone else.

Anonymous said...

What people call aloof on my part is simply that I am a private person. I'm very interested in other people and ask them about themselves all the time. However, I'm reluctant to share what's going on with me with just anyone. Since I am such an eccentric person, most people will not agree with my points of view, and I don't like to argue or defend myself. On the other hand, I think most people really do like to share what's going on with them, so I always ask. Most people are hurting in some way and they need to talk about it.
Learning how much to share and how much to keep to myself is an art. I'm still learning this art.

Grandma Honey said...

I know what you mean Darlene. The older I get the more I just assume the person next to me is hurting in some way. When I was younger I thought everyone was doing just fine!

grandmapeg said...

I've been told by others years ago that I come off as being too shy or standoffish, so I have tried to work on that when I meet people for the first time. I think also that I might have the same fault as you when answering the phone but it's usually because I'm distracted with other things. With caller ID if it's a close friend, I perk up and sound cheery when I answer because I figure they are going to brighten up my day. And I can vouch for you that you are not an assertive driver in the car, but I can't remember how you drive that cart :-)

Anonymous said...

I imagine that your phone has been ringing off the hook just to see if you are interested in the caller!!! I think you are so very blessed to have such a wonderful DIL who can share thoughts in a loving , mature, and caring way.

Adult children frequently tell us that we are doing/saying something wrong....disrespect seems to be universal.

Eileen said...

Oh, my faults are too numerous to mention, but I think my topper would be that I have very little patience! No one has to point that out to me, I already know it. I have good intentions, but I still have no patience at all.

I think I'm like you on both counts, I too don't really like the distraction of the phone ringing, especially if I'm trying to concentrate on something else, so I probably sound annoyed too. I'm probably assuming it's a telemarketer or some 'nonsense' call, and then a poor friend or family member gets the brunt of that!

And when I shop, I'm on a mission too, or I'm distracted by the things on the shelves and not paying attention to my surroundings or the people in those surroundings. I definitely have a one-track mind. Tunnel vision. Not literally, but it's a mind-set.

So sorry I haven't been visiting. (I actually was here a week or so ago, trying to catch up, but I didn't get a chance to comment.) I have so much to read here, and I definitely want to. I've really, really missed you. I have two blogs that I especially love and yours is one of them!

I can't tell you how topsy-turvy my life has been lately, and I've been so weepy at times, and feeling so bone-tired lately. But, all in all, I think all things will work out for good, and I am lucky that I have so many Blessings.

I think you are so sweet to try and 'work' on yourself.
Take care, Jill.
Love and Prayers,

Rebecca said...

Honestly...I think it's unkind to point out someone else's faults. I guess that is just me, but I would never in a million years point out something like this to someone else.

Ry said...

I've often been told that I'm so handsome and have such a charismatic personality that it makes others wish they were me. I try to reassure them it's not so great being this amazing, but we all know I'm lying.

Lisa said...

Interesting post. I don't have enough space here for all the things people especially my family have told me needs changing! LOL.