Thursday, July 30, 2015

Thinking about marriage


Marriage has been on my mind a lot the past few months. 
Then today, Tyler sent me this:
"Married couples are tried by temptation, misunderstandings, financial problems family crises, and illness, and all the while love grows stronger. Mature love has a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds."
—Boyd K. Packer, from "The Plan of Happiness"

I felt like putting my right thumb high up in the air as I read it! I remember shortly after 
marrying Dennis, as exciting and wonderful as it was, longing for the day when we would 
no longer be newlyweds....because I knew, having had a 22 marriage before this one, that 
love only grows. 

Then I remembered today an article Tyler had published back in 2010, in our church 
magazine, The Ensign. I wish every couple contemplating marriage could read it. 
It's all about taking it slow and figuring it all out....before jumping.

And I want to add....his very last line is my favorite.

Trusting the Lord to Be My Guide

For me, getting a confirmation about my marriage was like filling a glass. Because I knew that dating
and marriage were things to pray about, I pictured myself getting a “full glass” of an answer the first
time I prayed. But I became confused when I went on a few dates with Karen and couldn’t figure out
where to go from there. I liked her personality, but I didn’t know about her testimony or anything
else. I was afraid of the relationship ending with broken hearts or anger. However, I realized I would
know what to do only by spending time with her. I figured that in the end it would be a learning
experience for both of us—whatever that end would be.

We eventually decided to date exclusively, but neither of us knew exactly what we wanted from the
relationship and we broke up a few times because we weren’t on the same page. She had strong
desires to serve a mission, and I strongly wanted to be sure of whom I should date and marry. Plus,
we were both afraid of making a mistake in choosing when and whom to marry.

As I sought priesthood blessings and counsel from priesthood leaders and continued to pray, the glass
continued to fill. I learned more about Karen and me—what we could work through together, what
our personal weaknesses and strengths were and how they affected us, what our fears were and how
we would deal with them, and how to communicate with each other. We both saw from experience
that we worked well together and complemented each other. We learned of each other’s faith,
testimony, opinions, and quirks. As I prayed and as my glass filled, I felt added courage to keep
dating her to see what would happen. I didn’t know “for sure,” but my faith that things would work
between us increased.

Over time, I realized that I truly loved Karen and wanted to spend eternity with her. When she met
my family and I saw how she fit in, my glass was full. It took me a year to get to that point, but when
I did, the doubt dispersed and I could see clearly. I knew I should marry her and I knew that I knew.
I’ve wondered what would have happened had I not had the faith to let the Lord guide me through my
relationship with Karen. I’m glad I had the courage to move forward, even in uncertainty. Because we
learned so much in our dating and during our engagement, our adjustment to marriage has been
smooth, and we are extremely happy.
Tyler Heasley, California, USA

4 comments:

grandmapeg said...

I remember this article of Tyler's. He had a lot of insight for as young as he was when he wrote it. It's got some really good advice. Thanks for sharing it.

Rebecca said...

Such a great article! And so true. I am so impressed that Tyler wrote this! It has things that some of us are just now learning in marriage.....

Tyler Heasley said...

Wow, thanks for posting! It was a good reminder to me of some things, since I haven't read my article in years. We really are extremely happy. :) And I love that quote from President Packer. Anytime someone with that much experience says something like that, my ears perk up.

krheasley said...

I still feel so lucky that I married Tyler! I really feel like I am more "in love" with him today than I was at the beginning of our romance. I certainly love him more deeply all the time.

Not to get too mushy or anything. But I'm very grateful I ended up with someone as thoughtful and level-headed as Tyler is.