The hospice worker who tried

Since my Dad died, we get a call from hospice once a month. 

I usually see their message later. Basically they are expressing their condolences again, and asking if we would like to talk to them about our grief, or any emotions pertaining to my Dad's death.

This month, our 5th monthly phone call came in....I was standing right by the phone when it rang so I decided to go ahead and take it.  

After identifying who she was, the hospice worker said she just wanted to call and see if she could help in anyway. I thought to myself that I was struggling with a few issues so I decided, hey, I will give this a try. 

So I said to the very young sounding woman on the phone: "Well actually I am having a hard time with something. Before my Dad died he implied that he wanted to die in my home, rather than a facility. As the time came near, I made some phone calls trying to arrange a transfer for him to our home, but then I let the nurse talk me out of it."

I continued: "I have felt sad that I didn't go with what I knew was right, and that I let my Dad down. I only have myself to blame, but I'm still feeling bad about this."

The very young hospice caller said in an upbeat voice: 
"Well it's good it all turned out well."

"But it didn't," I told her. "He died, and I feel I let him down."

There was an uncomfortable pause, and then I thought, no sense me hurting the hospice worker over this, so I said, " Well it was so nice of you to call. Thank you.

She sounded relieved: "You are welcome! And if we can ever do anything else to help you, please let us know." 

As ridiculous as that conversation was, I did feel better. She was kind, she was sweet. She was also young, and didn't know what to say. 

But I will take the kindness. In my head, much in life can be solved, or at least we can feel a little better, just with that.