Thursday, June 7, 2012

Do you agree with this quote?

“If you want a happy family, 
you are going to have to tolerate a lot of unhappiness.”  
Dr. Haim Ginott, child psychologist

Dennis and I have differing opinions about this.


Eileen said...

I don't know how I feel about that quote. When I think of a very recent incident in my own family, I think a lot of us were tolerating a lot of unhappiness for almost a year in order to keep peace in the family. And one little member of our family was really tolerating a lot, and I think it was unfair of us to put that responsibility on his shoulders.

Finally, I had enough, and I let my feelings be known, and now there is a lot of unhappiness and hard feelings all around. So, I'm not sure what Dr. Ginott meant, but I don't think it's always wise to tolerate unhappiness. I think you have to weigh each and every situation.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and Dennis' thoughts on the subject.

Love and Prayers,

Brock said...

"when husbands and wives open the channels of communication they begin to feel safer in sharing sensitive feelings they were afraid to talk about before. Differeences may arise. The resulting pain, however is usually temporary." - lds family services.
When we teach this lesson we talk about how conflict is there whether you talk about it or not, pretending it is not there does not make it go away.

In the same manual, Elder Joe J Christensen says, "any intelligent couple will have diffences of opinion."

I think the point of these quotes is that working through unhappiness, which is a part of life, brings true joy and real happiness. Denial of unhappiness, conflict, or differences of opinion will only build contention.


Anonymous said...

Can you elaborate on this statement? Why does he say that? My automatic response to this statement is, "Speak for yourself!"
But, that's just me.

Grandma Honey said...

Darlene~ I googled the quote hoping to find more info about it but came up with nothing. So that's all I have. I think we are just left with our own interpretations which is interesting to see so far.

Erin~ I wasn't even thinking in terms of conflict, but this makes sense. It makes me think of a study I read about divorces and how years later most people regret they ended their marriage. Not all divorced couples certainly, but I think often people bail when things get tough rather than go through the agony of trying to work it out. I've read much about couples who have been married for several decades, and nearly always they mention hard times and how they grew together though those and the best was yet to be. Good quotes, thank you!

Eileen~ I agree with this quote, he doesn't. But I think it's just a difference in terminology. He likes it better if it were to say, "If you want a happy family, you are going to have lots of challenges." He doesn't think one needs to go through actual unhappiness to get there.

I, on the other hand think of the horrible depression I went through with all 4 of my pregnancies...the only time in my life I knew what depression was. It's just how my body reacted to the pregnancy hormones. So I was unhappy but it was all totally worth it. My 4 sons have brought great happiness, but they weren't just handed to me. I also think back to so many challenges (the word Dennis likes) in raising children. I had some dark days...what parent doesn't. But if we don't endure the hard times (or unhappy times) we miss out on the "joy that cometh in the morning." That's how I see the quote anyway.

Sue said...

I would like the quote to read, "you are going to have to *move through* lots of unhappiness."

Tolerating it sounds a little too passive to me for a person or family that is reaching for happiness. There will always be good and bad in family life, with varying degrees of both (usually) occurring at the same time, which means you have to decide which one you want to hang your laurels on.

JMHO, of course.


Anonymous said...

I just think that quote should have an explanation attached to it. There is a lot of unhappiness in LIFE. Single people are just as unhappy as marrieds with families. That's what I object to. Life brings hardship. Please to pin it on families.

nrozier said...

I agree with Erin. That is exactly how I read the quote.

cristie said...

well, i feel like we have a very happy family and what we have learned to tolerate is disappointment. i'm wondering if that is what is meant here when the term used is unhappiness. just a thought. xox

Anonymous said...

Oops! I meant "Please don't pin it on families".

grandmapeg said...

I'm glad I got to read all of the above quotes before commenting because there wasn't much of an explanation of it, but I think I agree with Sue's comment. You do have to "move through" unhappiness.

Grandma Honey said...

I know what you meant Darlene. But I don't think this quote was trying to say families have less happiness than single people.

Karen Mortensen said...

Since he is a child psychologist, I think he means from the kids. The kids are going to be "upset" some when you set the rules etc up and it cramps their style.

Grandma Honey said...

I hadn't even thought of it that way Karen...good point!

Lisa said...

I get what he's getting at, but his wording is rather unchoice. I like the way our prophets & apostles speak. : )

Ammy said...

I don't really agree with that quote. This is why...a lot of times in the past, our family had its share of arguments, disagreements and such..a very unhappy time. So I decided that we need to follow the counsel od our church leaders and do more than just pray and of to church together. We have our family prayer in the morning and at night. We have family home evening and read our scriptures on a daily basis. I just KNOW that this has made our family much happier. I know that we are counseled to do this for a come closer to each other and to our Heavenly Father. This also helps us be a happy family now AND later....I don't know...but that's how I feel about it!