Monday, March 3, 2014

What's your love language?

I've never read the book about the Five Love Languages, so I don't know much about this.

But today on Facebook my friend Natalie had this chart posted. Now I get it!

Now if it's not too much to ask, I'd really like to know your love language... if you don't mind. 
If you don't feel comfortable leaving it here, would you mind sending me an email?

I wonder which of the five is the most common love language. Do you know…..
any of you who have read the book? I am definitely hands down #1….Words of Affirmation. 
I suppose we tend to treat others how we want to be treated but after seeing this chart I really wonder if 
I need to rethink that….perhaps I need to concentrate more on the love languages of others.

 So really, I'm very curious, what is your love language, IF you don't mind telling me. 
I'm also curious to see if there is a pattern here. I wonder if I could guess what yours is 
and if I would be right most of the time, or wrong?


Natalie said...

Yay! I'm so glad you asked everyone for their feedback. I love knowing someone's love language. Brian's love language is definitely "acts of service." I think mine is split pretty evenly between "words of affirmation" and "quality time."

If I remember correctly, Carly Jo Sears is "physical touch" and Lindsay Nelson is "words of affirmation." I'd guess my dad is "quality time" and my Mom is "words of affirmation" and "quality time" like me. I'm not real sure about Whitney, but I'd guess "receiving gifts" since that is how she expresses love.

I'm curious to see what people have to say.

Grandma Honey said...

VERY interesting Natalie! My goodness you have your whole family figured out. But what about Robin….what language was she?

I don't even know what Dennis is so I'm hoping he will respond. I wonder what makes us how we are.

Raven Rozier said...

Mine is Acts of Service, usually food or herbal medicines that I've made.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I can't narrow it to one. It's split evenly between 1, 2, and 5.
# 3 is my least used. I rarely give material gifts and I often forget special occasions. Since I'm doing "service" all day every day, #4 is a given. But, it's not my favorite way of showing love.

Grandma Honey said...

So Raven….you got me to thinking….do we show love and want love in the same language? I think I need to read the book.

Darlene…I could have guessed that about you.

Rebecca said...

Mine are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service.
I have studied this and learned that the problem often is, that we show love with OUR love language, not the person we are showing it to's language! So I think it is important to know the languages of those we love and show them love in their language!

Grandma Honey said...

Rebecca….probably explains why intentions are not enough. We need to understand their love language, like you say. Having said that, I still wonder if some people have one set of rules for themselves, and yet another in their expectations of others. For example, years ago I had a friend who wanted affirmations and compliments….she so yearned for that from others, yet she never gave any….it's like it never occurred to her.

Rebecca said...

Absolutely! I know this for a fact that people do this. This is why I always ask people what they want me to do for them. Not just do things I think will work. For my adult children especially. What I think they would like and what they would like me to do are often two different things. I think this is also an excellent reason we should not judge people. Who knows what is going through their brain. I have been reading about how different people see things differently and how we all need to remember that! Good blog topic by the way!

grandmapeg said...

I'm pretty good with the last four ways but I don't think I'm really strong with one or the other. I could certainly improve on all of these categories. I used to be really good with the first one of words of affirmation, but as I've gotten older and busier with the grandkids, I find I don't take time to do written words or cards to anyone, except Craig.

Karen Mortensen said...

I think I am some of the first one and the last one.

Grandma Honey said...

Karen…I would have guessed those 2 for you!

Peggy….So if I understand right, 2-5 are what you do for others. Are those the same that speak love to you the most too? I would have guessed #1 for you.

Peggy said...

Interesting post, I am most definitely physical touch and quality time.I feel loved when someone wants to be with me in every sense.Yet I show my love in all the other ways. I absolutely love giving gifts yet I feel uncomfortable when others give me things. I love to send cards and show appreciation with kind words and I love doing service for others. But for me, you can hold my hand and sit a spell and I would be happy as a clam.
Peggy Sue

Dennis said...

I think I'm a little of them all but mostly in "Quality Time" and "Acts of Service." It's hard to put myself into a category.


grandmapeg said...

It's nice when others give back to me the same that I give, but I'm learning that it's not always going to happen that way.

Anna said...

Mine is definitely Acts Of Service.

Grandma Honey said...

Anna…I can see that. You are very service oriented. Even tonight at church I saw that huge platter of gorgeous cookies you made for the youth.

krheasley said...

I think I'm pretty evenly split with Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

I have thought a lot about love languages over the past few years--ever since I first heard about it. It's interesting to watch others and see what their love languages are. And it can be tricky--we don't always express love the same way we feel it!

(Tyler is, in my estimation, maybe 60/40 Quality Time and Physical Touch? I'd be interested in what your take is on Tyler since you watched him grow up!)

Scrapally said...

I think I a bit #1 and a bit #3. I should improve on both of them and try out the others too. :) I would be curious what others thought I was. Interesting chart, I am going to steal it from you if you don't mind. :)

Grandma Honey said...

Karen: Tyler growing up….he is a very communicative person so I think words of affirmation were high on his list. Words could either make or break his heart as a little boy. He told me once (I think he was a teenager) that when he had kids he was going to leave little post it notes for them about good things they do. But I also think he's a mixture of those qualities as his language. And of course as mothers and wives the love language could be very different. For example, I don't remember quality time being an issue when he was growing up….but I can see how it would be very important now that he has such a wonderful wife and wants to spend all the time he can with her.

Have you read the book Karen? Does it address the theory that some don't always express love the same way they feel? I can really see where that could be the case sometimes. Maybe growing up we get the idea of what is expected of us and just keep going with that??

Grandma Honey said...

Scrapally….I see you as #1 and #4. I've watched you through the years and you give TONS of service. You are also a very communicative and positive person (yet real and honest) and that's the part I love most about you.

Sure steal the chart! I did from Facebook. said...

Ok, so here's the thing also, Jill. I was so surprised that the test revealed my love languages in a different order than I thought just looking at this test. The test is quick, I think like 29 questions and here is the link. It's a good idea to take it.

I think the cool thing they point out is that we are all ALL of these. We all need all of these types of love in our life. It's which ones we respond best to and which ones we NEED TO THRIVE.

I read the book a long time ago, but this chart on Pinterest peaked my interest again in the languages.

Also,two things I thought were interesting. One is that we would assume that physical touch is at the top of most guys list because we all know they need sex more. I hope that wasn't's true, right? But they make it a point at the end of the test to emphasize that physical touch is a lot about a pat on the back, a touch of the hand, being close when sitting, etc. Not just intimacy.

Also, I thought what was interesting if that we might feel embarrassed to admit that gifts is our love language because it sounds materialistic. But I don't think that is it at all. I think it's more about the fact that someone thought of you enough to buy something or make something for you and mail it or bring it over, etc. It makes me feel so loved when someone remembers my birthday or gives a thoughtful gift on a special occasion.

Anyway. Those are just my thoughts.

My score was
Quality Time 10
Gifts 7
Words of Affirmation 7
Acts of Service 4
Physical Touch 2

Hope this helps. :)

Grandma Honey said...

Thank you Natalie. I will take the test later today. And I do get that about gifts. I don't care so much WHAT someone gets me but YES, I DO feel so loved when they go to that effort for me. Touch means a lot to me too depending on who it is. If they are important to me, then yes I want them near me. But courtesy or obligatory hugs mean little to me.

Grandma Honey said...

Here's my score from the test:

12Words of Affirmation
5Quality Time
3Receiving Gifts
8Acts of Service
2Physical Touch

Anyone else want to take it?

Tyler Heasley said...

Okay, I guess I should set the record straight since I'm a subject of interest in a few of these comments. I took the test and here's what happened:

8 Quality Time
8 Physical Touch
7 Words of Affirmation
5 Acts of Service
2 Receiving Gifts

I'm surprised at the level of Physical Touch, so I'll consider that something I'm less aware of. Also, I'm surprised I don't have any very high scores. And I really wonder where the 2 for Receiving Gifts comes from because it means so little to me. I would expect a point off of Receiving Gifts and added to Words of Affirmation.

Grandma Honey said...

Okay, so Tyler, do you mean that actual gifts mean very little to you?? Or do you mean you don't like being thought of and someone doing something for you?

Anonymous said...

My mother is 100% acts of service (despite what she may say otherwise), Jake and my son Jude are totally gift-love people. Fortunately Enoch and I are not gift people at all and we usually agree to not get each other things.

BUT he is a words person and I am not, so it was super helpful to read the book and realize how my behavior is being interpreted by my spouse. I am touch, like Nat said, but only with my husband. I'm not too touchy with other people. And time is also super important to me, I get jealous of Enoch's computer screen sometimes.


Tyler Heasley said...

Oh, my comment needs clarification. The quiz was about my spouse, and in that relationship gifts are nice, but they don't say "love" to me. I almost always prefer to be shown love in some other way, and I don't ever remember selecting a "gifts" kind of answer in that quiz, so I was surprised that it was even a 2.

Also, I should add that GIVING gifts is a lot of fun for me. I have a hard time receiving them sometimes, and I don't like how I react to gifts. It's embarrassing because I can't hide what I'm thinking. But giving gifts is what I love about Christmas, honestly and truly. I love others' reactions.

Grandma Honey said...

Thanks for explaining that Tyler. Makes sense. You've always been a creative gift giver. Do you remember back in Christmas of 1996 when you were 11…you gave your Dad and I several popcorn coupons? That explained to us all the popcorn you had been eating before Christmas!

Eileen said...

I'd have to say I'm "Quality Time".
I think that fits me best.