Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Marriage, or ones that don't make it

I have not read this book:

So I can't comment on it.

However, today I found a list of things, taken from this book, that correlate with divorce:

Your parents are divorced
You are alcoholic
You are mentally ill
You cheat on your spouse
You gamble compulsively
You are violent
You are younger than 25
You have not gone to college (especially the woman)
You have children
You lived with your spouse before marriage
You have different racial backgrounds
You are different ages
You have different religions
You have different ethnic backgrounds
You have different cultural backgrounds
You have different careers
You don’t know your neighbors
You don’t belong to social clubs
You don’t live near your families
You are not religious
The man does not do housework

So, I am intrigued by #9.  Does this mean a marriage is more likely to survive if they do not have children?  
That one doesn't make sense to me.

And how about #16.  How many couples do you know who share the same career??   

BTW, I found this on my friend Darlene's son's blog,
who is in grad school to become a marriage and family therapist.  


Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

I will tell you that if Tom and I had the same job or worked together we would not be married.
We are also different ages. There is a 9 1/2 year difference and so far so good.
I don't like the part about having children. I think Tom and I are closer because of Daniel.

Dad and Susan said...

Interesting. I question the same ones you do. Especially the living together before marriage. That almost seems to be a guarantee for divorce. Love, Dad and Susan

Jill said...

Right, that's why it's on the list. The author thinks living together before marriage ups the chances of divorce later. I'm glad stats are finally showing that.

the Rich girl said...

Hm. I'm not sure that being the same age increases your chances of staying together.

In fact, I would say that many people don't act their age, so what's the point of marrying someone who is the same age you are?

I also love how the list is all about "you" or "your" but the last one is about "the man." I think if either partner isn't doing housework, there's a problem. (Spoken from experience. Tyler is much neater than I am.)

But really, it seems to me that what this list comes down to is being equally yolked.

the Rich girl said...


Though, the "yolked" would be fun, too.

Heidi Garvin said...

I think an important thing to keep in mind is that this is a list of things that CORRELATE with divorce, meaning that both these things and divorce occurred in a relationship. They have a simultaneous occurrence. It does not indicate cause. In some of these cases, I think there might be a cause and effect relationship between items on this list and divorce, but the wording simply means that in many cases of divorce, these factors were also present.

I wonder what factors correlate with marriages that do not end in divorce. I bet having different careers would be on that list, too, since most couples have different careers, it seems. Perhaps having kids would be on that list, too.

darlene said...

Good points, Heidi.
Yeah, I'm suspicious of this list. I think they need to interview long-term, happily married couples (thousands of them) and find out what has made their marriages WORK. That would be much more useful information.

Lisa said...

I don't know what to say for the first time in my life! hahaha....I

Sue said...

That's odd. I guess arguments over how to raise children, etc. must be at play. But you'd think that would be countered by the feeling of at least trying to make a good home for them.


Natalie said...

I read it as "you have children" before you get married, as in you are bringing children into the marriage, not that you have children together after you marry. Maybe I'm wrong, but that makes more sense to me. Interesting list. thanks for sharing.