and why I have a problem with this book.
It's our selection for Book club next month.
I've read many of these types.
This one was basically...'treat your husband better and he will treat you better.'
Or as the author says,
"Ask not what your husband can do for you,
but ask what you can do for your husband."
However I had some strong disagreements with the author on a few things.
For example, I think most people would agree that women love compliments.
What was Dr. Leman's solution for this?
He says we should tell our husbands something like this: "Would it ever strike you that I'd like to hear you say I look nice? In order to get my hair done, I have to arrange for a sitter for the kids, I have to take them along to the mall to find a dress. Oh that's a lot of fun. Maybe you don't realize how much time and effort goes into me trying to look nice..."
Oh, so we make him feel obligated to compliment us?
What kind of a compliment is that??
That might work a little if we were looking for a compliment on the house, "Honey, I spent 5 hours cleaning today and it was not easy doing this while taking care of the kids, answering the phone, doing your laundry, and making your dinner, but I did it for you...so it would really be nice if you noticed and said something to me about it..."
That perhaps would fit with his logical mind.
But not about the way we look. Either my husband is attracted to me or not, but I can't talk him into it. And I don't want to talk him into it.
Dr. Leman also has a chapter about natural consequences and men. He tells us how we can get him to pick up his stuff. Most men I know, and there are exceptions I suppose, are not into neat and tidy.
His suggestion made me laugh:
"What if you didn't pick up the stuff he lets lay around? What if someone stops by to see him unexpectedly and sees the family room trashed, and he's embarrassed? So? Will that kill him? No, but it will teach him a valuable lesson about consequences."
Are you kidding me?? My husband is never embarrassed about any mess left behind. Never.
Because he doesn't notice it.
Which has its perks too. He tells me often that our home is immaculate. Yeah right. As long as he thinks so.
And I don't mind picking up after him at all. All he does for me, it's the least I can do.
I also do not like how the author continually puts down men, referring to them as "dumb as dirt", "children" and "like a dog that can be trained."
I did like his list of 9 things.
I added the last one before I realized I would be showing it here:
In my opinion, Dr Kevin Leman did much much better with his best seller, "The Birth Order Book." I read that when my boys were young and loved it!